Saw You

down an aisle in
a crowded store--
Double, triple take
my breath away and you
threw me off
balance.

You look different.
You're taller and your
hair is long.

Then again, my
hair is short and
I have aged.

Thoughts swelled to words
like helium balloons
that rose in my throat,
choking me to silence.

Emotions came back and
flushed my face and
made my heart beat
fast and loud and ragged.

So many things I could say
to you but

I fled.

Because I couldn't trust myself
To tell you that I'm okay
but I don't want you back in my life.

Like a fox from the familiar
bay of a hound
I fled from your voice,
too cowardly to say
I'm sorry that
You've suffered over
me.

I could have walked right up
And looked into your eyes
and said "Forgive me but
don't miss me
Because we know it's better this
way and I'm suffering to
know you're hurting and I've
hurt you and I
want it all to
Stop.
You're a chapter in my life
I want to close. You're not in
the end of the story so
Stop flipping through the time-
worn pages.
Don't dwell on me.
Please.
Be okay so I can be okay--
Please."

But I fled
around the corner,
hands shaking and worried brow,
avoiding confrontation,
hoping you hadn't seen me and
sneaking glances until I saw
that you had gone.

Then I realized--
I should have looked up
With a friendly glance between familiar strangers,
Smiled, said Hello,
And walked away.