Brain Break

So. I just did four hours of calculus homework. I am very over that. Remember how I was planning to drop it at the semester and take something fun like...cooking or photo? :) Yeah. I can't do that anymore. I talked to my counselor AND the admissions counselors at my two private schools. USD said "do whatever you feel is right for you" but Chapman said that if I don't take Calc and pass it with a B or higher, there's a good chance that I won't be accepted into my major right off the bat, and I'll have to take MORE prerequisites before I'm considered for acceptance into the School of Business. So, not only can I not afford to drop Calc, I have to get a good grade too! -_- I told my mom I need a tutor. Any takers?

I'm so sick of being logical. I want to be creative and carefree again. I do nothing but worry about grades and dates and calculations and cost and figuring out if my plans are going to work out the way I'm planning them or if I have to adjust them and when my deadlines are to make those adjustments and--

I want to write poetry. I am a poet. I AM. And yet I never write poetry, unless something is REALLY bothering me. That BOTHERS me! I want to play with words, and make sounds that roll off the tongue and fit and have meaning. Not like all the crap I have to write--the logs, the in class writes, the short answers, the lab conclusions, the problem explanations. I want to invent, make crap up on the spot and NOT worry about losing points for it.

I decided in the midst of my four hour spree with my calculus homework that my guitar and I are going to have a reunion. It's going to be glorious. I miss it.

I realize that I've been purposely stressing myself out because stress is motivational--and I DO know that I have a lot to do and never seem to have enough time to do it. Maybe at some point I'll just become apathetic. But instead, it sure would be nice to be on top of things for a change.