Banquet Reflection

In a room
that isn't mine
With a cat who acts
like she is mine
To forget a victory
that should have been mine.

She rubs my leg
And I wonder,
Petting mindlessly,
What was my face
When it wasn't
My name?
No blame
No fame
A little shame
Was it a game?
I lost.

She purrs and purrs
My thoughts defer
to just a few hours
Ago. Her eyes
held surprise
As I'm sure did mine.
We connected silently
And she said
"I'm sorry."
She shrugged off
Congratulations and
I did my best at
Graciousness
People around me grinned
And I smiled but
It didn't reach
my eyes.
The cat rolls over
contented bliss
But in my heart
Something's amiss
I can't help but wish
that I had won.

My brother appears
my boyfriend called
To wish me well. He
names the list
of friends who
were as
heartbroken as I.
(Well, not quite.)
They're all so proud,
he says. They all
love you, he says.
But I'm scared
for next year--he
says. I stop him
Before he starts.
It will be a
good year, I say.
Just too bad things
couldn't work my way.

Just need a little
time to mope
Some time to
(maybe) cry.
It won't take long to
learn to cope
There's still some hope
Just don't wanna talk about it
Don't wanna think about it
Take the memory
from my mind
Put on a smile, don't
be unkind
There's no way to
Do over, rewind.

Don't worry--
I'll be fine.