Currently listening to: "Goodnight, Travel Well," by The Killers--the song that played on my drive home from school, the night we found out that Chelsea King was missing.
February 25th. Thursday. I had had an awesome day. Only two classes--Bio and Spanish, my favorite--and then offroll, when I went out to lunch at Souplantation with my best friend. We interrupted each others' stories, we tangented, we talked about all the cool people we know and the cool things they were doing, we talked seriously about the future and the past, and college, and life beyond. I drank strawberry lemonade and she had no straw in her drink. We stayed later than intended, and went our separate ways to do our various errands, planning to meet up again in the evening for an academic team match on campus. I picked up my brother, went home, did a little homework, changed, went to tutor, then went back to school. We joked around outside, visiting and not paying attention to the earlier matches, and bonding as a Varsity team. We did our warmup run around the campus. At the match, we were on fire. All the boys went in at once and were kicking ass. I had been in and out and had done well. Suddenly, she got a text message from someone we all knew, saying "Chelsea King is missing." She told me this and said she was leaving to go help look for her. I held it in--I didn't tell anyone why she had left, only that something came up that was an emergency. Our coach was disappointed, "Oh, I was about to put her in, too!" But this was more important. We went on to win by a margin of 69 points, and I didn't tell anyone until after the match was over, when I felt that my impulse of "I don't want to worry anyone" was no longer strong enough to overcome my own fears. I had no idea what could have happened, and I told them only what I knew.
I drove home sobbing, lyrics ringing in my ears--
"There's nothing I can say
There's nothing I can do now
There's nothing I can say
There's nothing I can do now"
I hit a few curbs on the way home, but made it back in one piece. I hesitantly approached my parents, asking if I could use my dad's computer (the other one wasn't working) to check facebook, and if there had been anything on the news, because I had heard that a classmate had gone missing. They asked me probing questions that I was asking as well, and I couldn't do anything but sob, "I don't know!! I don't know!!" They scolded me for letting myself get upset, and I went to take a shower. I called my boyfriend in tears and didn't talk for long, and I took a long time to fall asleep that night.
Currently listening to: "Lean on Me," by Bill Withers, the song students sang to each other, when we didn't know what else to do.
February 26th. Friday. The entire school was at a loss for what to do with itself. We hugged each other and cried, and held hands, and squeezed, in every class, while the teachers sat, numb and just as upset as we were. The principal came on the loudspeaker several times throughout the day with updates, but the fear and the uncertainty was toxic. They started planning a search for Saturday morning and would have an informational meeting on campus that night. Everyone I knew and was remotely close to planned to be there.
The room was packed, and all but maybe 2 dozen were students. The president of Peer Counseling passed around boxes of tissues, and I took a bunch, saying, "I'm gonna need some of these." We heard her parents speak, and encourage us to take care of ourselves while we went out and tried to bring her home. Others close to her made statements about what we could do. We made more plans to meet in RB to get flyers distributed as far as other states. After everyone had made their presentations, people seemed reluctant to leave, and we all just hugged each other for support, crying on each others' shoulders. A group of students, mostly in Peer Counseling, made a giant hug circle and started singing.
"Lean on me
When you're not strong
I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on"
I don't know what else happened that night, or in the next few days. It rained, making it all the more horrible. I was online constantly, checking facebook for updates and watching the news, or retreating to my room to lay alone with my thoughts. My mom took a carful of teenagers 90 miles to hang flyers in Lake Elsinore, and it gave us something to do to make us feel like we were helping. Monday night I had a dream that they found you. You had been tied up in a boat and hidden, and you were dehydrated and hungry, but you were okay. The next day they found you, and it wasn't the way I dreamed at all.
Currently listening to: "Vanilla Twilight," Chelsea's favorite song and the song they played at her candlelight vigil, the song that will forever remind me of her.
March 2. Tuesday. After a long day of little news, I was in rehearsal when we heard that they found you. It was from a girl from yearbook, and it was blunt. I couldn't believe it, it wasn't real. I hugged my castmates and ran to find my best friend, who was on campus. I found her and someone I had never met, and we all hugged each other. Strangers were united in their grief.
That night was the vigil, planned to inspire hope, executed in mourning. It started out silent, punctuated only by the sound of sniffles and shuddering sighs. They played "Vanilla Twilight" over the PA system, and every word seemed pertinent to what we were going through.
"Oh, if my voice could reach back to the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Darling, I wish you were here"
Later that night, despite our heartbreak, I remember smiling, and laughing, about stupid things.
"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."
That has happened so much throughout this past year. We would want to cry, and scream, and break things for the injustice of the thing that happened to you, but then we'd start thinking about you, as a person, and couldn't be sad anymore, because such an infectious joy--joie de vivre--cannot be forgotten or ignored. There truly are no words. I can describe what happened, but I can't explain what I experienced. Chelsea, you have had such an impact on the world. You are unbelievably inspiring. It is truly amazing that out of something so bad, you can continue to show us just how much good there is in the world. Thank you for everything. ♥ Never stop changing the world.
