Image

Lately, I have had trouble with body image, no matter what people think about my appearance.


But I felt pretty last night.

End of Semester 1

I GOT AN A IN LIT!!!!!!!!!
And an A in Civics!!!
And an A in Spanish!!!
And an A in Bio!!!

Annnnnnnnnnnnd.....

I still don't know what I got in Calc... :( I THINK I got the very LOWEST grade I needed for a B--but it's so close, I'm scared to call it a B, especially if it's not...

I'm really happy that I managed to pull all of those...because I think at at least one point during the semester, I had lower than a B in every one of my classes...

Now the only one I'm waiting for the final grade is the one that matters most...the one that factors into my acceptance into my major at my college of choice...of course, it has to drive me crazy like this. :/ AHHHHHHH and I won't find out until after the middle of February... :( :( :( I should not be freaking out this much...BUT I AM...

I'm in Econ now. I LOVE it. I went in Flanny's room today during 6th period cuz some friends were in there, and she interrogated me as to why I didn't take her class...so I told her that aside from being in 4 other APs, I wanted to take Econ because I want to major in Business, and she acted like, "Government doesn't prepare you to major in business?" But I still do not and WILL NEVER regret not taking AP Gov. Waasted is amazing. :) I had him for the first week of Civics, but they changed my schedule because the class I was in had 42 students. Now I have him again! :) He was apologizing to the class about how boring his lecture was, but I didn't find it boring at all--this is how I KNOW that I'm in the right place and I've made the right plans. The only problem is that it's a little repetitive...but I don't mind, at all. :)

I miss my old Spanish class!!! Todos mis amigos estaban allí. Estoy tan triste--ahora no veo Lola, o Victoria (pero ella está en mi clase de biología), o Eladio, o Lorenzo, o Raúl, o Alonso, o Beatriz, o Gustavo, o Jasmin... Creo que esta clase será bien, pero en este momento, quiero mi clase vieja...

I miss my Bio class too. :( It's so much more toned down than it used to be! But another friend got in there, so that's nice. :)

Lit is gonna be really good this semester, I think. Last semester, a LOT of my really good friends were in there, but the class didn't really "bond." I think we have the potential to do that this semester, with this group. Right now we're doing King Lear, and it is the highlight of my day. I go through my next three classes every day wishing I could still be in Lit (but then I get to Econ and I'm happy again). The "cast" for King Lear is so great... Stanley as the King of France makes me smile. :) As Graber said, "Wow, you are one romantic dude." Emily plays "Gonhorrea" and wishes she could actually play that part on stage--and she would do a fantastic job. Liam is my favorite though, as Edmund--and I'm Edgar. I love how we're siblings again. :)

THEY MISSPELLED MY SENIOR SHIRT. "Calyspo" instead of Calypso...grrrrrrrrrrrr

I have a log due Monday. And I have a book and a half to read before I start writing it. Oh darn.

Brain Break

So. I just did four hours of calculus homework. I am very over that. Remember how I was planning to drop it at the semester and take something fun like...cooking or photo? :) Yeah. I can't do that anymore. I talked to my counselor AND the admissions counselors at my two private schools. USD said "do whatever you feel is right for you" but Chapman said that if I don't take Calc and pass it with a B or higher, there's a good chance that I won't be accepted into my major right off the bat, and I'll have to take MORE prerequisites before I'm considered for acceptance into the School of Business. So, not only can I not afford to drop Calc, I have to get a good grade too! -_- I told my mom I need a tutor. Any takers?

I'm so sick of being logical. I want to be creative and carefree again. I do nothing but worry about grades and dates and calculations and cost and figuring out if my plans are going to work out the way I'm planning them or if I have to adjust them and when my deadlines are to make those adjustments and--

I want to write poetry. I am a poet. I AM. And yet I never write poetry, unless something is REALLY bothering me. That BOTHERS me! I want to play with words, and make sounds that roll off the tongue and fit and have meaning. Not like all the crap I have to write--the logs, the in class writes, the short answers, the lab conclusions, the problem explanations. I want to invent, make crap up on the spot and NOT worry about losing points for it.

I decided in the midst of my four hour spree with my calculus homework that my guitar and I are going to have a reunion. It's going to be glorious. I miss it.

I realize that I've been purposely stressing myself out because stress is motivational--and I DO know that I have a lot to do and never seem to have enough time to do it. Maybe at some point I'll just become apathetic. But instead, it sure would be nice to be on top of things for a change.