Dream Diary

I remember a LOT of my dreams. I've had many, MANY dreams that at first glance seemed completely off the wall. I've kissed vampires who disappeared into thin air when the sun came out, and been rescued from murderous redcoats by fellow history students. I've been eaten by patchwork ladybugs and jumped out of moving cars, been pregnant and been a man. The things I've done in my dreams often don't make any sense to me at all. I wake up all the time saying to myself, "What the hell was that?"

But when I really look at them closely, I usually find a lot of meaning in my dreams. Sometimes, the meanings are very obvious. Once, a friend was moving, and in my dream I was giving her a hug, knowing I would never see her again, and that I had to let her go. That one was pretty obvious. But some are a little more obscure. Once, I had a dream that I was in a music store, listening to a sample of the recently released Sondheim version of "The Wall" (from Pink Floyd, whom I LOVE). I despised the CD and I wanted to return it. Although the entire album had not been redone by Sondheim, it was enough to be terrible--a real disgrace to my favorite band. I didn't really realize it until I had written down all of the components of the dream and what they meant to me separately, but once I did, it was very clear to me. My ex-boyfriend loved Sondheim, and I loved Pink Floyd--each of those were us. I couldn't stand what I had become because of him, and I wanted to take it back, because I regretted that entire section of my life. As I defined each component of my dream, everything became completely obvious.

I try to break down the components of my dreams, and lately, they've been a bit chaotic. I won't try to describe last night's dream, because it's long, convaluted, and messy, but it meant to me that I've been trying to do something nice and selfless for someone I care about, but I keep getting interrupted with other obligations. I AM getting some things accomplished, but what I really WANT to do gets pushed aside, even though its not just for me, its for others as well. Life just keeps getting in the way, because life is chaos.

I think that my subconscious hit the nail on the head.

busy... :)

Yeah, I haven't written in a while... I've just been really busy! I've had play practice, yearbook deadlines, SAT class, dates... Between my last post and now, my boyfriend and I had our six month anniversary :) Unfortunately, we didn't get to SEE each other that day, cuz I had yearbook and he had a dress rehearsal... But we made up for it over break with a couple of dates. On Sunday we even went to Disneyland together (with my family). That was fun. :) It's really nice to have something so stable in my life. For a lot of people, a relationship is something that is forced, that is stressful, that requires constant work and dedication. But it's not like that for us, and it never has been, nor ever will be. Michael is the one constant in my life that I can count on when nothing else seems to make sense. We're just awesome together. As we're always saying, "I love us." <3

Also I can drive now! w00t w00t. :D I had my first behind the wheel today--it was kinda nerve wracking, but my instructor was really calm and he definitely helped me a lot. I still was clutching the steering wheel a little tighter than necessary, but today was definitely better than last week, when I went driving with my mom in a deserted parking lot and we ended up doing nothing but yell at each other because she lacks the patience to deal with someone who has NEVER BEEN BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR BEFORE. Seriously. I wasn't trying to learn the rules of the road, I was trying to learn how to operate a car! It's kinda hard to drive when you don't have any idea of how fast you'll go when you tap on the gas... or how jerkily you'll stop when you slam on the breaks...

I bought this whiteboard to write notes to myself, and right now it is filled up with appointments and assignments that I have to remember--tests, shows, meetings with my college planner and for a Miss Teen San Diego Pagaent (not sure how it's gonna work exactly, but I'd love to participate in a show like that!). I'll write again when some of that gets done, to tell about how it's going! :D

ttfn,
emasaurus

Never Forget

It has been seven years to the day today since Danielle Van Dam went missing. I think about her family a lot, because I remember when everthing happened. Her older brother was in my class in fourth grade--a terrible year for everyone. I still see him around every once in a while, and I always think of them on Februrary 2nd. Never forget.